Lessons in communication: words matter

30 years ago, I was a first-time manager at a small supply company in San Diego. I was chosen for the role because I was trusted, not because of my skills or experience. I worked hard. I was teachable, generally speaking. Although I'll admit, true humility was not really my strong suit. But one evening, I learned a lesson about the power of words.

To become the manager of the team, I had taken over from the minority owner who was demoted, not fired, by the majority owner. This minority owner was 20 years older than me, a very talented salesperson, but limited as a manager. The branch's numbers reflected some of his weaknesses in hiring and managing. We'd just opened an office in the sleepy community of Rancho Bernardo, San Diego, and we often worked late and started early.

The first summer I was there, it was hot. I was mindful of our expenses, though. To save on air conditioning, I left him a note as I ended my day. "Turn off the air conditioner before you leave!" I placed it on the floor by the front door to make sure he saw it. The next morning, I found my note on my desk with handwritten additions. "Dan, please turn off the air conditioner before you leave. Thanks, Brandon." This simple act taught me how words matter.

At 24 years old, I'd taken charge of a team led by someone much more experienced, without ever seeking to include him, to partner with him, or anything. I was more worried about appearing confident, decisive, and in charge. My note alienated him. His note back humbled me.